My Krazy Kandies

This is a Really Bad New Years Post

After midnight, partying until tomorrow
Whatever happens tonight, just stay right by my side
So, lets enjoy the celebration!

.

And the year has passed, a little too fast for my tastes. A lot of big things have happened to perhaps slightly change how my life feels on my tongue, but at the same time, very much of nothing has taken place to further sour the flavor.

I don’t remember the beginning of the year, to be perfectly honest. In fact, I hardly remember what took place more towards the end. My ability to recollect my thoughts is as terrible as ever. I think that New Years was the least stressful of the holidays so far; we were able to mostly keep our pleasantness intact. Mostly. I don’t know if that’s a sign for the future, or if that’s just how the fam is…

Whatever. Don’t matter now.

Jesus Christ, this is only the most impossible thing I’ve ever posted. I have no goddamn clue what to put here. Screw it.

Men Suck

I just got finished having a fight with Derek. Well, it wasn’t exactly a fight, but it was damn close. It was more like a relatively civilized quarrel.

It was a Battle of the Sexes, in which I was doing my best, and I mean best impersonation of a female chauvinist sow. Derek was defending the men while I was sullying their image.

I hate men. We know this. I’ve told everyone this many time. I have good reasons for hating men. Very good reasons. No names given, but 95% of the men in my life are total jerks or stuck-up pigs. And then there’s the fact that men are, in general stupid, or at least the 95% of the ones I know are.

I’m not trying to pick a fight, but I’m perfectly willing to fight anyway, if someone wants to.

So, anyway, Derek was telling me exactly what mom’s told me a few times. “Men don’t really know when they’re men, because they don’t have an obvious symbol. Women do. Women bleed.” And he also added his own bit “Men have had everything that they prided themselves in taken away from them.” He used the examples of hunting, fighting, ect. To which I said “I don’t really care. I’m going to get that coffee that I totally forgot about.”

We argued for a bit, he was very defensive because he’s biased against women and think we all suck, generally speaking. I was very much intent on defending my position, however, because all men are assholes and the world would be better off without them. Dad popped into the kitchen to tell me that “it wasn’t worth it”, to which I said, “I’m not fighting with him. Because unlike you, I’m not a spiteful jerk.” Half that sentence was a lie to him under my teeth, though.

My personal opinion, of course, is that men have been dominating society since their fucking creation, and they can do without the power for a few hundred years. It won’t kill them, like they seem the think. If they’d all stop being such pansies and go to fucking school, they wouldn’t have a problem staying up to bat. But no, you men are selfish idiots who seem to think that because of your testosterone, the world should come to you on a silver fucking platter.

Well, sorry, bitches, but that platter is heading for my table, and I’m going to eat it slowly with smirking evilly at you.

I’m sorry Derek, but I cannot feel sympathy for men, for the simple reason that it took us women for-fucking-ever to get out rights in the first fucking place. When America was first formed, women had nothing. We obeyed the orders of our spouses, and that was the end of it. You selfish bastards never gave us anything so we actually worked to get our rights. If you aren’t willing to work to get your stupid “manhood” back, then you don’t fucking deserve it at all.

You filthy pigs deserve a reality check, and if I have to be part of the generation that gives it to you, then so be it. I might even enjoy kicking your asses a little.

Supaaaah Lame

I fail my math regents… again.
61. That’s exactly 4 points away from a 65, which is the passing grade. I got exactly 9 more points than the first time I took it. Woo-fuckin’-hoo.
Yes, this is about the time when everyone and their fucking mother tells me “I told you that you should’ve studied.” Ya’ know what? Suck it. I know that it was pretty stupid for me to pass up a better grade on a silver platter, but it’s a bit on the late side to fix that. Besides, Mom already got the honors.
I don’t know why I didn’t see this coming. It’s not like my life is kind enough to me to let me get away with simple pleasures like passing a stupid fucking Math Regents. I may as well give it a rest and get a high school diploma. Oh wait, I can’t do that, because I have (other people’s) EXPECTATIONS to live up to. I can’t possibly let them down. That’d be like killing them with a wooden stake. Then again, killing them with a wooden stake might be a good way to make people let me fail at life peacefully.
So there’s my story. Wonderful way to end the Summer, don’t you think? Sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm.

I should seriously consider getting rid of all my categories and just putting all my posts under “Stuff.” It’d make my blog and my life a little less messy. :/

My Summer in a Nutshell

At around this time, you’re probably wondering what’s been going on in the life of KRenee, but you’ve been cut off from her mind almost completely due to a lack of posts to this site. You might even be curious to know what the cause for this month long absence is. Perhaps you don’t really care, and don’t know why your even reading. The minds of my readers are unimportant to me. Well, that’s a lie; they’re important SOMETIMES.
So, here’s a quick summary of this summer:
August 18th: I take my Regents exam. I don’t know the score, but ever since I took that stupid test, I’ve been sleeping like the dead every night. I’m a bit more confident this time around, mainly because it wasn’t quite as hard, but I still didn’t know half the questions on it. But I have a good feeling, and that’s all that matters.
August 21st: We went to Hershey park, and that was totally awesome. I arranged it with a lil’ help from the rest of the fam, excluding the boys because they’re useless in general. We went on a total of three roller coasters.
The first one we did was The Comet, a wooden coaster which was really fun in my opinion.
We went on The Great Bear, which was also really fun but scared the living crap out of Mom and David. I don’t know about David, but Mom was screaming like omfg on that ride.
We also went on this other coaster that I don’t know the name of. It was for a younger audience, like 8-10 year-olds, but me and mom still liked it. It jerks you around real sudden, but the ride itself isn’t all that big or fast. There was this one part where everyone threw their hands up, so I did too, and then we were approaching this tunnel that looked SUPER SMALL, so everyone lowered their hands again, and I tried to duck down because it looked like it’d take my head off.
Gina and Dad were going to go on this amazing looking Roller coaster called “Fahrenheit”, but the line was like, and hour+ long, so they didn’t go on it.
There was another ride there, “Storm Runner”, that Gina wanted to take me on, but I didn’t really want to go on it so we didn’t. Next time, Gina, I promise!
The last ride we got on was the Ferris Wheel, which was trippy as hell and I can’t say the same for David, who’s afraid of height, but I love Ferris wheels now. After that, me and Gina were going to go to the Great Bear while mom did some other stuff. On the way, we stopped so that I could get super splashed by this incredible looking ride called “Tidal Wave”. It was amazing, and I think I elbowed some kid in the head. Sorry, kid! Anyway, after that me and Gina continued on our way(PS, that park is huge and it gave me HORRID leg cramps).
We got to the Great Bear, but the line was and hour and ten minutes long, so we said “screw it” and left. Gina was fairly disappointed, but like I said, there will deff be a next time.
August 23rd: Gina went back to college, much to my dismay. The only plus when Gina leaves it a sudden surplus of room. Mom and I have officially agreed that Gina needs lots of space.
That night, Natalie came over after me and Mom got back from dropping off Gina. After nagging her dad for a good twenty minutes, we got money to get Boston Milkshakes from Tasty Treat. He didn’t want to drive, so we walked. They were closed. We said “Damnit” and came back to my house, were Nat spent the night.
August 24th: at 9 AM, me and Natalie walked back to Tasty Treat, but they still weren’t open. We sat on benches beside the building for over an hour waiting for them, but they never opened. Plus, they don’t have their house posted on the building, so we didn’t know when we’d be able to go back. Nevertheless, we stopped by S&S Auto, and asked Steve if we could buy breakfast with the $20 he’d given us. He said yes, so we went to Treats and Eats and bought breakfast, while was super yummy. Nat also got ice cream. Then, we went to our separate home. I got in bed at 11:18 AM and slept until about 4:30 PM.
And that’s what happened since my last post.

Dear Anyone Who Can’t Handre It

If I were so inclined, I would be apologizing for being stupid, and for not being able to stop myself, and all of that other crap that you seem to think about me. But, since I’m not so inclined, I won’t apologize. There are a lot of things about Kimmie, and if you can’t handle any one of them, then maybe you and I shouldn’t be in any kind of relationship.

It seems that, as I’m getting older, more people are expecting things of me. It’s stressful when someone asks you “what wrong?” and you absolutely cannot answer them, because you absolutely don’t know. Very stressful indeed, but it seems that everyone and their mother expects me to know what’s wrong even when it’s obvious that I don’t. I mean, think about it; if I knew what was wrong, wouldn’t I tell you? Well, maybe I wouldn’t tell you, but I would at least try to do something about it on my own, right? After all, I am 15 years old and have a mind of my own at this point. I know it wasn’t quite so obvious a couple of years ago, but me and my mind have been getting to know each other slowly. And when I say slowly, I really mean slowly.

Getting to know the mind of a mood disorder is hard. I’ve been hanging around her for all of my 15 years, and I still know very little. She’s secretive, and quiet, and doesn’t like to talk, so getting her to open up is proving to be the hardest thing I’ll ever do in all my life.

Now, you might be wondering what the point of this rambling is, but I’m not going to tell you yet. Patience is a virtue, and while I seem to be the only person who can apply patience to myself at a given moment in time, I will have to ask that you try to apply this same kind of self-control. At least try to refrain from hitting the little red ‘x’ on the tab.

I have a mood disorder. I’m pretty sure it’s Cyclothymia, but I don’t have an official diagnosis, so I’m labeled by the mental health professionals as an “Undiagnosed Mood Disorder.” It actually wouldn’t surprise me all that much if I had a Histrionic personality disorder, too. I mean, Tempestuous sounds like me, doesn’t it? Total nymphomaniac, yea, I fit the title.

But that’s off topic, isn’t it? I have a mood disorder, undiagnosed, unknown, untreated really, and apparently “uncontrollable.” But we all know that the fact that I “can’t control myself” is a load of crap, right? Especially that whole “you’re addicted to hurting yourself”. That’s utter bullshit, and I think everyone reading this knows that very well.

I don’t really care what you think the reason behind my self-injurious behavior is, but it’s definitely not an addiction. I have thought about it off and on for all the months since January, and every time I decided “Nah, I don’t wanna.”

Anyway, I guess this post is long enough by now, right? I’ll get straight to the point from here on out.

If you can’t handle my self-injurious behavior, my depression, my ADHD, my mood disorder, my emotional instability, and the fact that all of these come together to make KIMMIE 1.5, then go away and don’t talk to me anymore.

And if this post pissed you off, then maybe we really shouldn’t hang out/talk/be a part of each other any more. I’m getting to be sick and tired of having to be in a good mood to have friends. It’s rather miserable when your friends will only be your friends when you’re happy with the world. It’s tiring after a while, especially when they get pissed off at me for having issues with things like self-esteem and whatever the fuck else is wrong with me. Yes, I’m talking about you, Princess.

There’s only one more thing for me to say: don’t stick up for yourself in the comments, because I know better than to listen to the one who says they didn’t do it.