I hope it’ll be that easy.

I should seriously consider getting rid of all my categories and just putting all my posts under “Stuff.” It’d make my blog and my life a little less messy. :/

It seems that, as I’m getting older, more people are expecting things of me. It’s stressful when someone asks you “what wrong?” and you absolutely cannot answer them, because you absolutely don’t know. Very stressful indeed, but it seems that everyone and their mother expects me to know what’s wrong even when it’s obvious that I don’t. I mean, think about it; if I knew what was wrong, wouldn’t I tell you? Well, maybe I wouldn’t tell you, but I would at least try to do something about it on my own, right? After all, I am 15 years old and have a mind of my own at this point. I know it wasn’t quite so obvious a couple of years ago, but me and my mind have been getting to know each other slowly. And when I say slowly, I really mean slowly.

Getting to know the mind of a mood disorder is hard. I’ve been hanging around her for all of my 15 years, and I still know very little. She’s secretive, and quiet, and doesn’t like to talk, so getting her to open up is proving to be the hardest thing I’ll ever do in all my life.

Now, you might be wondering what the point of this rambling is, but I’m not going to tell you yet. Patience is a virtue, and while I seem to be the only person who can apply patience to myself at a given moment in time, I will have to ask that you try to apply this same kind of self-control. At least try to refrain from hitting the little red ‘x’ on the tab.

I have a mood disorder. I’m pretty sure it’s Cyclothymia, but I don’t have an official diagnosis, so I’m labeled by the mental health professionals as an “Undiagnosed Mood Disorder.” It actually wouldn’t surprise me all that much if I had a Histrionic personality disorder, too. I mean, Tempestuous sounds like me, doesn’t it? Total nymphomaniac, yea, I fit the title.

But that’s off topic, isn’t it? I have a mood disorder, undiagnosed, unknown, untreated really, and apparently “uncontrollable.” But we all know that the fact that I “can’t control myself” is a load of crap, right? Especially that whole “you’re addicted to hurting yourself”. That’s utter bullshit, and I think everyone reading this knows that very well.

I don’t really care what you think the reason behind my self-injurious behavior is, but it’s definitely not an addiction. I have thought about it off and on for all the months since January, and every time I decided “Nah, I don’t wanna.”

Anyway, I guess this post is long enough by now, right? I’ll get straight to the point from here on out.

If you can’t handle my self-injurious behavior, my depression, my ADHD, my mood disorder, my emotional instability, and the fact that all of these come together to make KIMMIE 1.5, then go away and don’t talk to me anymore.

And if this post pissed you off, then maybe we really shouldn’t hang out/talk/be a part of each other any more. I’m getting to be sick and tired of having to be in a good mood to have friends. It’s rather miserable when your friends will only be your friends when you’re happy with the world. It’s tiring after a while, especially when they get pissed off at me for having issues with things like self-esteem and whatever the fuck else is wrong with me. Yes, I’m talking about you, Princess.

There’s only one more thing for me to say: don’t stick up for yourself in the comments, because I know better than to listen to the one who says they didn’t do it.

Gender:

Eye color:
Eye type(Wide, narrow, regularish):

Hair color:
Hair type(spikey, straight, wavy):

Skin tone:

Race, if applicable(elf, neko, inu*):

Personality traits?(Shy, angry, hyper*):

Are there any other details you would like to add?(tattoos, scars, ect):

…

*[1] Inu is a Dog person. Neko is a cat person. Kitsune is a fox person, and you would just write “wolf girl/boy” for a wolf person. Just for the record.

*[2] This is to help me find a good base that will match your character.

PS, I am hating on WordPress right about now. It’s being a superbitch.

So, last night, me, Gina, Brian and a friend of Brian and Gina’s, Joey, went joyriding. Brian was driving. Crazy bastard.
I had already known that something was going to go wrong, somewhere deep in my gut, because Brian was driving the back roads to Oneonta at between 50-70 MPH the whole way. At one point, I remember he got up to 80, maybe 82. I understand that whole teenager thing about driving fast is fun, but I will never EVER drive that fast on a backroad in all my life.

The whole time I was thinking somewhere in the back of my head, “We’re going to spin out, crash head on into someone else…”

And I sure as hell jinxed us.

We had driven to Oneonta and made it there alive, and after turning around in the parking lot at the mall, we were deciding which way to go home. Brian wanted a different back road to drive, so Gina gave him one. Apparently, I think it was something like “Go to Delhi, and then Treadwell, and then hop on some county road and make your way back to Sidney.” Brian and Joey agreed that they could go that way. I was helpless in the back seat. I can’t drive, so how the hell am I supposed to know these routes?

At any rate, Brian continued his assault on the road, and we were heading back home at around 70 mph, give or take 5-10 mph depending on the turns.

So, we were driving up this slight incline, and there are suddenly high beams in our face. Someone was driving towards us on the opposite side of the road, and they didn’t turn down their high beams. So, as a result, we were blinded for just long enough. Before any of us had time to tell Brian “HEY THERE’S A CURVE THAT YOU SHOULD SRSLY SLOW DOWN ON!”, we were upon a junction. The one where 357 goes sort of to the right but mostly straight, and 28 practically turns itself into a knot trying to get away from 357. We hit that curve at 68-70 mph, and the back wheels gave in to inertia and kept going sideways.

At that point, I don’t really remember when I saw; everything was happening so fast and so loudly, my brain couldn’t register it fast enough, so most of it is a total blur. Not to mention, I closed my eyes for a few seconds whenever he hit a particularly hard “bump”. I know what happened, but I don’t remember it. We went over a slight bank, down an incline and across 357 into some conveniently place trees. Or something like that.

All I really remember is feeling my body jerking around with the cars movements, and bracing myself for the most amount of pain I would ever experience. And Gina screaming Brian’s name over and over, which was probably the scariest thing. I’ve never seen Gina lose her cool like that in such a situation. The closest I ever came to that was when she hit that deer on the way to Binghamton. She had shrieked mostly in horror and surprise, but she hadn’t panicked and freaked out like last night.

The impact on the tree was devastating mainly to the car and Brain, but not so much the tree. We hit it at a hard-to-describe-angle. To put it simply, the left corner of the hood of the car completely slammed into the tree, crushing a lot of it into pulp and metal. The smell of twisting hot metal was nauseating, and scary.

And then Gina started to panic again. The first thing she said when we stopped moving was “Brain?!”, probably because she was afraid that he’d died. I’m pretty sure he managed to garble out something like, “Is everyone okay?” but no one really heard him, I don’t think. The next thing I found out was that Gina’s foot was stuck, which scared the crap out of me, mainly because of how she worded it.

“M-my foots stuck!” Brain was trying to move, and free himself, but Gina continued with something along the lines of, “Brain don’t move the seat, my foots stuck!!” She scared me, because I thought she meant “I can’t move my foot, it’s numb/broken.”

Oh, wait, I’m forgetting something. No, the first thing Gina said when we firs timpacted wasn’t “My foots stuck”. It was “Oh God, my leg, my legs gone!”

I don’t know if she remembers saying that, but I sure as hell do. That was why I initially panicked internally. I kept calm, though, thankfully,(don’t really know how I managed THAT, but whatever) and I looked at Brian, who was stirring. Not looking around; stirring, as if he had lost consciousness for a brief second or so. I glanced at Joey, and he seemed to be looking at Brian to see if he was okay.

Then, I looked to Gina. All of this glancing around happened in mere seconds. I didn’t think I was the type to so easily relax and assess when I’m the one in the goddamn accident. Maybe I should become an ER surgeon.

Anyway, Gina had freed most of her leg by that point, and she was in the process of worrying about her foot. I think I recall saying something like, “Gina, what’s wrong with your foot?” to which she hysterically replied, “It’s stuck!”

She managed to wrench her foot free, of course. She later told me that she had been terrified that the car was going to explode and she’d be trapped inside it.

I don’t blame her.

Joey pulled himself out of the car first; Brain followed, despite his half-consciousness and lack of memory. I followed and made sure to check that Gina would be okay. She rejecte dmy assistance completely, but I just wanted to make sure that she could walk. Told her to avoid the huge branch that was right outside our car door, which she did. She was able to walk fine. By the time we got out of the car, Brian was sitting on the trunk, looking like a mess. His arm was bleeding, but it wasn’t arterial; it just looked gross. A bunch of people where there before we’d even gotten out of the car. It started out as a married couple(or so I assumed) and it turned into a freaking mob.

The woman called 911, and Gina went over to check on Brian and make sure he was okay. Apparently, from what I heard, he was extremely groggy and an emotional wreck. He kept apologizing to Gina when she went over to check on him, telling her that he screwed up and stuff. I wasn’t there to hear him, as I had lended Gina my sandal to walk through the dirt and rocks and stuff.

I vaguely remember getting my vitals checked, and I recall the state trooper who stole Gina’s license and has yet to give it back to her. I remember Gina telling the story of how we almost died to 50 million people, because they couldn’t just tell each other, they had to ask us 50 million times with 50 million different people. I remember the ambulance ride. They had to put me in the stretcher, mainly because I was a minor. I felt fine, so I’m still not sure why I was the one getting completely babied.

Mom met us at the hospital, as Gina had used the nice lady-who-called-the-911′s phone to call home. We spent fore er in the ER, getting checked and not checked. I got to clean the nasty smeared blood off my legs, and I also got and x-ray of my sternum and chest, because my sternum was hurting, and the pain was going all the way through to my spine.

In the end, Brian’s okay, I’m okay, Gina’s okay, and Joey’s okay. Everybody lived, and Brian has probably learned a good, nurturing lesson from this experience.

At this point, my chest and back still hurt, and I’ve got this really nasty seat belt bruise on my shoulder, and another on my left hip. And I have a ton of “abrasions’ and “contusions” all over my legs, not to mention the awesome rug burn on my ASS CHEEK + the long cut up my OTHER ASS CHEEK.

…

Scott = Tattoo*
Bacon = Bacon
Shisei = Tattoo
Bekon = Bacon
Scott Bacon in Japanese is Bekon Shisei
————————————————————
Terra = Earth
Barnhart = descedent of Berinhard(Strong, hard)*
Tsuchi = Earth
Sosenken = Ancestor of strength
Terra Barnhart in Japanese is Sosenken Tsuchi
————————————————————
Chris = A Christian
Monahan = Descendent of Manacháin(Little Monk)
Shinja = Christian
Sokeibiso = Ancestor of little monk
Chris Monahan in Japanese is Sokeibiso Shinja
————————————————————
Kim = Golden
Bodo = to command
Kogane = Golden
Meizuru = command
Kim Bodo in Japanese is Meizuru Kogane
————————————————————
Aileen = Torch
Tallmadge = Knapsack
Taimatsu = Torch
Haino = Knapsack
Aileen Tallmadge in Japanese is Haino Taimatsu

……………………………………..

*[1] I am sitting here DYING OF LAUGHTER!

*[2]Took me freakin’ FOREVER to find that out.

You’ll also notice that Fred’s surname is different from Derek’s surname. Well, its not in this post, but I changed Derek’s surname to match Fred’s, because the new one that I got matched the original meaning of “Stafford” better. One more thing, in case you are wondering; Soren Anges is my black sheep.

…

Kasedy = Ancestor
Sakino’oya = Ancestor
Byrne = Raven
Koyokarasu = descendent of Bran*[1]
Kasedy Burnes in Japanese is Koyokarasu Sakino’oya
————————————————————
Natalie = Christmas Day
Seitansai = Christmas
Hornbeck = Horn Stream
Tsunokawa = Horn Stream
Natalie Hornbeck in Japanese is Tsunokawa Seitansai
————————————————————
Steve = Crown
Kurai = Crown
Walker = Walker
Hoko’osa = Walker
Steve Walker in Japanese is Hoko’osa Kurai
————————————————————
Fred = Peaceful Ruler
Yasui’oja = Peaceful Ruler
Stafford = Maker of Staffs
Chokotsue = Maker of Staff
Fred Stafford in Japanese is Chokotsue Yasui’oja
————————————————————
Soren = Stern
Tomo = Stern
Agnes = Lamb
Kohitsuji = Lamb
Soren Agnes in Japanese is Tomo Kohitsuji

…

If you have any names that you would like me to translate into Japanese, then let me know, and I’ll gladly do it!

…

*[1] – Byrne means “Descendant of Bran”, and “Bran” means “Raven”, so, in the end, I used “Descendant of Raven” as my translation base. I actually do hope that her name is Byrne and not Byrnes, because then I’d feel retarded.

We have recently received word from an anonymous source that you have a Sister Complex. After investigating, we have discovered that you miss your sister so much that you cry, and sometimes sob, when you think about her, Regina, who isn’t home at the moment. We have also learned that you have fallen in love with your sister, and would willingly become an item with her if she would have you.

You have been diagnosed as a Type 8 Sister Complex on the Ghetto scale. In order to further research the development of such a high ranking Sister Complex, we will be facilitating you as soon as possible. We will be breaking into your house and raiding your room to find you. Please don’t hide, or we may have to resort to using your sister to draw you out. The date of our exact arrival is yet unknown, so please don’t hold your breath.

Sincerely,

The Official Sister Complex Research Facility and Society of the United States of America

…

Dear Sister Complex Research Society,

Thanks for the warning, jackass.

Your Truly,

Kimberly Baker

…
This year, in 2010, there was an earthquake in Haiti. Michael was unable to arrange the artists this time around, since he’s long since dead, but in his memory and to help support Haiti, they did the same song again, with artists from me and Gina’s era. my god, its amazing. Especially the rap part.