Innocence with Bloody Hands

We’re Gonna Get You

I got inspiration form a little lullaby thing from Evil Dead I. I’m such a sick and twisted, ain’t I? WELL AT LEAST I”M POUD DAMNIT! XD

Anyway, tell me what you think.

We’re gonna get you,
We’re gonna get you,
Mother won’t you please,
It’s time to go to sleep,
It’s time to go sleep.

We’re gonna catch you
We’re gonna catch you,
Father won’t you please,
I can’t get to sleep

Cold and tired, lying in bed,
Fearing the monsters under the bed,
Turn on the nightlight,
Leave the door open,
Never close you’re eyes,
Never sleep again.
The Demons’ magic,
Put a spell on me,
Take away my fatigue,
Give me the gift of insomnia

We’re gonna kill you,
We’re gonna kill you,
Mother won’t you please,
It’s time to go to sleep,
It’s time to go to sleep.

We’ll gonna curse you,
We’re gonna curse you,
Resurrect the dead,
Wake up mom and dad!

Yes little girl, run to your parents,
Run in fear from the noises you hear.
Mother tells you it’s nothing,
Father sends you back to bed,
Come back child, come back,
When your parents awake,
They’ll never see their little girl again.
Show them, dear child, show them we exist,
Let us devour your soul,
Let us prove our existence,

We’re gonna get you,
We’re gonna get you,
Mother won’t you please
It’s time to go to sleep,
It’s time to go to sleep…

Dear Life, The Universe, and Everything else I hate

Dear Mrs. Filor,

I am writing to you today to tell you what I deem of you, why I think of you, and what you have done to me and my existence. You will not like anything that I am about to tell you. In fact, you may hate it, and think that I am lying. I am not writing to you so that you can howl at me and inform me that I am wrong. I am writing to you to tell you how much you have damaged me, so that you know just what you’re sick diminutive mentality games can do to an naive child. This might not be your fault; you might not have even known what you were doing to me. Then again, this might also be your fault. You might have known what you were doing all along. This might also have been in your training, and it just wasn’t working how it’s usually supposed to. I don’t know, and I don’t care. All that matter to me is that you have hurt me, and that I am meticulously livid with you for it.

First thing I want to tell you; you have me convinced that I am a monster. No, not a puss spewing organ pile, a monster. Someone filled with abhorrence, and resentment, someone who picks on other people, someone who is malicious, and malevolent. That is what you have me thoroughly convinced that I am.

Next up on my list; you have taken away all of my motivation to actually try. It’s slowly coming back to me, but you initially took it away. I have decided since I met you, and since I left your class, that if I try to change myself or the way I act, I will devastate everything, because in your class, that was what I always did. You sick minded people told me that I had to ‘try really hard to change.’ Well you know what? I did. And I will tell you for one that it did not work the way I wanted it to. In fact, it practically ruined my entity. But it’s because you told me that change was simple that convinced me that I couldn’t do it. For your information, changing isn’t easy. In fact, it’ll be one of the hardest things that I will ever do. You told me I could do it if I just tried. I tried and I couldn’t. That convinced me that there was something wrong with me, that I was some kind of freak, weirdo, a monster. It’s all because of you.

I find it hard to believe that you actually managed to become a teacher. If you’ve been hurting kids like me for however long you’ve been teaching, than I wonder how you haven’t been thrown in jail for Child Trauma. That’s right. You heard me, Child Trauma. You traumatized me, for life. And because of that, I think I’m a monster, I’ll never be happy again, I’m in therapy, I hate myself, I cut myself, I hurt all the time, and I =’m afraid of myself. I’m terrified of myself. I am afraid that one day, I’m going to do something, and Ill never be forgiven, and no one will be able to understand me. You have made my life more complex than it really even needs to be. I am completely disgusted with you.

Every time I get in trouble, every time someone hurts me in that certain way, I see you’re godforsaken disgusting face. I think that you will probably haunt me for the rest of my life.

There are only a couple few more things I want to say, so prepare for this greatly

I. Hate. You. More than anything in the entire world. You are the more loathsome creature I have ever met, and I hate you. I hate how you affect me, I hate how you used to touch me in any way, how you’d pat me on the back, how you make me huddle with your dim-witted group, how you never cared when you made me cry, how it didn’t matter to you that you were slowly

Contravening.

My.

Heart.

It’s like you have this hold on my mind, it’s like you own me, like you think that I’m your property and you can just do whatever the hell you want with me. It’s like you think you own my

Mind

Body

And essence.

Well, lemme tell you something

You don’t. Not any more, you vile creature. I loathe you more than you could possibly even begin to dislike me. I know you hate me. You hated me because I’m better than you, more liked than you, more brilliant than you.

And most certainly more human than you.

I wish I had never met you. You’ve ruined everything about me, my happiness, my caring soul, my heart, my ability to think, my everything. You’ve ruined my life.

And I hate you for it.

I hate, dislike, abhorrent, loathe, detest, abhor, despise, deride, abominate, repulse, repugnant, object, and odium you so damn much.

It has been a pleasure speaking with you again, Mrs. Filor. I will see you in Hell.

Murders and betrayals,

Kimberly R. Baker

You’re former student from Sidney Center Elementary School.

Most Girls

I have a relatively strong will. I know this for a fact. I can’t be manipulated into doing things, unless I get something I want out of it. I can be goaded into fighting you, screaming at you, or else throwing things around the room, but I CAN’T be goaded into giving you my things, unless I’m gonna get something out of it. Something I WANT. And I will refuse you several times until I get what I want, or will accept the deal. If I just don’t give in, then you’re screwed. Also, if you want me to give you something in exchange for something else, I’ll have you give me what I want FIRST. I won’t be tricked into giving someone what they want and have them NOT give me what I want. For, if they do, I hurt them, whether mentally or psychically. But usually psychically. Either way, if I don’t like what I’m getting, or whatever, I am a person who can’t be goaded or manipulated into anything except tantrums. But that’s usually because I realize a person is goading or manipulating me, and then I get pissed off.

My little brother, Ricky, is not the same. Not at all. Infact, he has manipulated on several occasions, for serveral different reson. He’s been tricked into going down by the river when he KNOWS he’s not allowed, he’s been fooled into repairing relationships with his so called ‘friends’ whom always get him in trouble, and beat the tar out of him the day before. Yeah, that really happens. Johnathan and Jean, our b*****d neighbors whom i hate above everything else in the world because they WON’T go away, beat the stuffing out of him on the bus or something. Mama specifically told him that his NOT to hang out with them anymore, and that they’re NOT allowed on our property. ANYWHERE. A couple days later, Ricky comes home to inform Mama that the whole ‘beat-him-up’thing was just a joke or something that John and Jean played on him.

Did I mention that he came home CRYING that day?! What the hefk is the MATTER with fricken’ kid!?? Doesn’t hehave ANY kind of JUDGEMENT?! Long ago, when I was in Mrs. Filor’s class(It’s sickening that I can still remember how to spell her name) I decided that if someone breaks my trust, hurts my feeling, or just hurts me altogether twice, then I will never forgive them. I forgave Mrs. Filor several times, and she ALWAYS hurt me in the end. She ended up mentally SCARRING me, and making me believe I was a monster. So, I hate her. Notice the lack of d on the hate part. Yeah, I still hate her. Even though she’s in Florida. The last time I saw, she had had surgery on her nose, cuz her cartilage or something was bent. (Not that is MATTERS. Your fourty, Pam. No one cares how you look.) It looked painful.

I wanted to punch her right in the nose. It was hard not to. If I had been about fifteen, I would’ve.

Anyway, if someone hurts me twice, I will never forgive them, ever. My family is an exception. I have to forgive them. I live with them.  Not Ricky, he’d still be fried with johnathan and Jean if they jumped him on the street and mugged him.

Well, let’s continue. I am not a shy or sensitive person. I am not very good at understanding people. Infact, I’m horrible at it. Also, since I’m shy, If I have crush on someone or whatever, I can talk to them freely. I have no problem. I don’t freak out and hide if I see them. I don’t stutter, or blush, or anything like that. I’ll wave, say hi, chat. Whatever. And I’ll do it EASILY.It’s the same with people I don’t like. I can talk to them easily aswell. Sure, I give them the Evil Glare, or I snap at them, but I do that unconciously. Meaning I don’t realize it. It’s kinda strange. I can’t tell someone I’m angry with them or anything, but I can express very well. Glare, snap, snarl glare, growl, hiss, spit, half-yell. Of course, somehow, no one seems to realize that when I glare and snarl at them, I either don’t like them, or am angry at them. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about sensitivity and shyness.

Now, Gina is both of these things, and they get in the way our relationship. Sadly. I’ll give her advice, and she’ll tell me to “Stop giving me advice, cause getting advice from someone five younger then you makes me feel stupid!” I then ask her, “Why does it make you feel stupid?” And she’ll tell me it’s because I’m five years younger than her. Then I think in my head, ‘Why the heck does my AGE matter? And then I remember that she’s sensitive and insecure. Now, I’m not ranting on her, I’m not throwing a fit, I’m not even cutting her down, but I wonder WHY she’s so insecure and sensitive? I’m NOT sensitive.  You’d think that advice from someone who thinks alot simpler than you would be nice. It’s easier to think positively when you’re insensitive.  Then again, I’m insensitive, so I think much simpler than the average person. I am probably the most abnormal person in this household. Gina thinks she’s abnormal. I tell her she’s not. She doesn’t agree. Last night, she said that I’m probably smarter than her. I disagree. She tells me I am, I respond, “Gina, I am NOT smarter than you.” While thinking ‘what the heck give her THAT idea? I’m failing almost ever class and she says ‘your smart’? What the eff?! I have a HARD time in EVERY class! If I was SMART, I’d ask for help from someone when I needed it, I’d be smart enough to stop, think, and ask myself  ‘Is it REALLY worth it?’ Gina does ALL of these things. She’s very normal. She cares about she looks, her hair is improtant, she’s shy, she’s sensitive, and a bit insecure and pessimistic.She has a REPUTATION to keep up.

I have none of these traits. I’m a complete LOSER. Not her. I call her a loser, an idiot, baka, stupid, sure. But that’s because I’m too much of an idiot to realize that it hurts her alot. I call her those names probably because I get upset with her so easily, which is probably because she’s way better than me. She’s sensitive, so I don’t understand her. I’m a total jerk, and I hate myself. I know tat about myself for a fact. That’s who I am.

Gina, you’re going to graduate, and I know you hate me and all, and I know you’ll probably never want to see me again. I also know you think I think you’re a useless idiot or something. I can tell you for a fact that that’s NOT true. I treat everyone like that. If I hated you, I wouldn’t cry when you said you hated me. And I would probably be more a jerk to you, like I am to Mrs. DeLucia. (:D)  And I know you’re probably NOT going to believe me on this, but I am I going to fricken’ miss you when you leave. I will go insomniac for a week, cry every(or try to at least) night, become depressed, get pessimistic, E-mail you everyday, somehow make sure you check my blog, because I suck at writing letters. And I’m gonna cry some more. And every time you come home, I might jump you. But I’ll try to hold back.

And if you die, I swear I’ll commit suicide. :’(

I’m going off on a tangent here.

Anywho, This is proof that I am not human. Cool, I’m an alien. That’s sooooo cool. Heavy. Do normal humans have so much trouble crying? I cry easier when the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants than I do when something really bad happens. =.=I’MA FREAK!!!

Oh well, that pretty cool. By the way, Akari, are you going to have a car soon? I would love to be taken away by you! Then we could go through the Gate and recruit anime characters! That’d be fun.

“So, are we walking?”

“I brought the car.”

“Good! Can I drive?!”

“No.”

OH MY NON EXISTENT GOD

JEASUS (SPELT WRONG! LOL COPYRIGHT EVASION!) CHRYST! IT”S TOO HOT OMG! It’s like, two million degrees outside! I’m going to DIE! I keep asking people to accompany me to the basement, but nobody will slash can. NOT FAIR. -/.\- lol Itachi face. Anyways, things are going a bit better, except for the fact that it’s too hot. I’m currently downstairs using the Multimedia computer to write this up, because, unfortunately, it’s too hot to be upstairs. Yeah, by the way, did I ever mention that I’m on the RIGHT side of the house,were the AFTERNOON Sun is? (HOTTEST TIME OF THE EFFING DAY!!!) I HATE THIS KEY BOARD!!! The fricken’ thing doesn’t work right so I’ll have to go back and put spaces in a bunch of places! I HATE IT! I practically have to slam on the keys for it to work right. UGH!

ANYWAYS. Alrighties, I have a new kind of Zolof! whoopee! They’re bigger than they used to be, and they’re also blue. o.o BLUE. My Adderral XR used to be blue….I can’t spell.And Im too lazy to get up and check the bottle. lmao. anyways, I belive it’s been a month, but my opinion doesn’t count.I’ve been chewing my fingers even more(again) and My computer’s being a Wizard of Ozhole. It won’t let me watch Fruits Basket. 8hangs self* wait, i can’t do that. I heveth no rope. darn. oh well.

Right, what else? Oh yes, Chip and Mistofelees DIED. I have no rodents left. Phooey. Oh well, it was bound to happen. (HOW CAN YOU BE SO NONCHALENT?!)m |seriously, you’d think she’d be sad or something.| +Nah, it’s cuz of me. :)+ ~You’re all wrong.She’s used to experiencing the loss of a life. It doesn’t affect her anymore.~ +I see.+ |Alright then.| (If Haru said it, it must be true.) Oi…..

Akari: WEEE!!!!

Gina:what the crud? 8walks away passively*

Kimmmie: *shrugs and eats popcorn*

I have DIRECTIONS for YOU! (lol) but there at the bottom of the post.

Alright, anything else? Yes. I’ve been sleeping till’ like… two in the afternoon. lol./ Also, i started eating plastic for a little while. (trash bag plastic). but, after witnessing the fact that it DOESN”T digest, I decided to go back to eating my fingers.:)I made a good choice. I’m so proud of me. Uhhhhhh…..

OH! Gina’s going to take me to my meeting with Doug on Thrusday! I’m so happeh! =D oD OMG ALIEN!

Yosh! Except for the directions, that’s it.

DIRECTIONS THAT YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW CUZ I SAID SO:

#1) Open your browser

#2) In the Address Bar, type the following; quizilla.com/users/DemonAkari

#3) Wait for the page to load

#4) At the top of the page should be the following choices:

Quizilla!

DemonAkari

profile

journal

quizzes, stories, poems, polls and lyrics

album

picks

send message

Look for them.

#5) When you find the choices above, choose the ‘profile’ button.

#6) When it stops loading, look around the page. Underneath the quote and picture should be the following;

#7) once you find those, looks for the amount of creations they’ve made.

#8) There should be fourteen. Click on the number.

#9) When it’sdone loading, there should be a list of links (going DOWNWARDS) that start with ‘ K and A’s TALKSHOW!!!’.

#10) Startingfrom thetopone, right click on thefirstone and select ‘open in new tab’.

#11) Read it.

#12) Repeat #’s 10 and 11 for all of the Talkshows.

#13) Go back to DemonAkari’s profile. it should be on the far left side of the green bar, next to the part the says ‘Main Menu - Expand [v]’ and under her name in italics. It should say ‘ View My Profile’.

#14) Look sat the bottom of the page for her friends. There should be the following;

Pick any of them, just NOT akarisan2345. DemonKimmie is me, Gina09 is Gina, and Akari-san6789 is Akari, aka, Emily. Of of them have really great stories, so check all of them out. ^.^ If you click on their names, you SHOULD end up at their profile. if you wish to see their home page, then look for the list of things you saw in direction #6. When you find that, goto the top one that states who the user is. and click on it.Thtwill take you to their homepage.

I”M TRYING TO GET YOU PEOPLE TO READ MY BLOODY STORIES!!!

The folloing:

Quizilla!

DemonKimmie

profile

journal

quizzes, stories, poems, polls and lyrics

album

picks

send message

If you click on the one that says journal, it will take you to my jounral, which is kinda like my blog, but not nearly all the same posts. Also, much more cussin’, cuz i have a Shirlocky vocabulary. Lol.

MAKE SURE YOU GO THROUGH MY WHOLE HOME PAGE!!!! you may learn something. ^.^

I think that’s it…yes. next time i’ll give you directions to my deviantart page thing.

NYASH!

Kimmie~

P.S. SOMEONE MAKE RICKY STOP TALKING TO HIMSELF BEFORE I KILL HIM!!! *holds up sharpened eraser of a pencil*

Of Graduation, Depression, Report Cards, and Death

Lets start things off with the basics. I’m stressing about the following; 1)Gina, my wonderful, beloved sister, Gina, my precious person, if GRADUATING. I don’t want her to ever leave. I know that’s selfish, and I know that she’s not leaving immediately. But, graduation is like a confirmation. It’s, to me, like someone shouting in my face, “SHE’S LEAVING AND NEVER COMING! YOU’LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN! BAD THINGS’LL HAPPEN TO HER! YOU’LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN!” Yeah, that’s irrational, I know that very muchly well. Automatic Negative Thoughts. ANTs. Like I said, I know it’s irrational, but I can’t get the thought out of my head that I’ll never see her again. I keep thinking she’ll be hurt, or killed or something. And then I immediately start wondering about what’ll happen if I die. I wonder how much people would care, I wonder who would come to my funeral… And I wonder were I would go. Earlier today, while I still lolling in bed, I considering finding out what would happen if I DID die. I almost did, too…

But, that doesn’t matter too much! Back to the point. No running off on tangents, Kimmie. ^.^ Anyway, Things depressing me. 2) School = Report Cards = Pass? Fail? Yes, I’ve gotten through the seventh grade school year, but I’m absolutely POSITIVE I failed math. I probably shouldn’t be worrying about it, yeah, but I feel terrible, and I really am sure I’m going to fail. I don’t WANT to fail, but I’m positive that I will! I started taking a new medication, called Zolof, or something like that. It’s supposedly an anti depressant that take for fricken’ EVER to actually start WORKING. It’s supposed to stop constant pessimism and cheer me up a bit or something.
It’s NOT working. In fact, since I started taking it, I’ve been sleeping less, and actually having more, much, much WORSE negative thoughts than I was ORIGINALLY having.

That’s RIDICULOUS.

Anyway, I’ve almost couldn’t get to sleep last night just thinking about my math grade alone. Why the heck am I so FRICKIN’ MENTAL?! JESUS EFF-ING CHRIST!!!!

Heavy sigh. Anyway, Report Cards, Gina’s graduation. Also, the whole death thing is starting to scare ME. Everytime I think ‘What’ll happen when I die?’ , I instantly get scared, and start imagining really scary things that might happen. Then I predict that I’m going to probably end up with some sort of really terrible disease that’s going slowly and painfully kill me. Or that I’ll undergo surgery or something. And I can’t get these thoughts out of my head! They WILL NOT go the fudger AWAY. And I assure you, I DON’T want them there! I don’t like losing sleep, I don’t like worrying about death, or school, or even Gina’s graduation! I wish I was just a NORMAL 12 year old little yaoi fan girl like all the rest of them! It’s NOT fair! I HATE MY LIFE! Why the heck do I have such a fricked up life anyway?!?

~~~***

~~**

~*

Why is it that there can’t be someone who could just preform a spell or do something like a miracle to please just help me out a bit?

~*

~~**

~~~ ***

Just Smile,

Even if your dying,

Even when your crying

Even when you scared

Even when your hurting inside

Even when your filled with so much sorrow and hate.

Just Smile Instead.

Smile…

It hides everything.

~*~*~*~Nyash~

(c) DemonKimmie, formerly known as KimBabe