My Krazy Kandies

When We Move, huh?

I’m sure the majority of you folks already know that Dad has developed this saying of his. It came about shortly after he and Mom got divorced. It’s usually something like this;

“I can’t wait until you guys are gone/out of here… *snap snarl growl*”

So, I’m sitting at the dinner table today, eating dinner with David and Ricky, and I’m bouncing my leg like I usually do. This really irritates David, but I don’t especially care because I’m just a bitch.

So, eventually, David says this;

“I don’t know if I should be sad or glad when you guys move.”

I am so mad right now, I could blow a fucking gasket. At the same time, I’m really upset. I mean, seriously, David? Since when are you as much of an asshole as Dad?

Fuck it. I won’t have to live with them anyway, and I am in no place to say anything anyway, because David’s not my son, and this isn’t my house. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be pissed to all hell at Dad for making this worse than it already is. I really hate him. He should consider DYING.

You Don’t Care About My Opinion, But…

I fucking hate my family. They don’t understand me at all. It kinda hurts my feelings when they assume that I can just “solve my problems” in the blink of a fucking eye. I mean, seriously? I have a learning disability and a mood disorder. I’ve been mind-raped by everyone I fucking know. My life is a mess of disorder and agony, and I believe everything about myself that I jokingly tell you. Do you understand that? When I say, “I’m such a moron,” I FUCKING MEAN IT. I AM A FUCKING MORON! You know how I know this? Well, you lot are always FUCKING TELLING ME SO.

I’m THE MOST screwed up kid I know, in ways I can’t even tell or describe. How the hell do you expect me to be able to get up every morning with a big fucking smile on my face and say, “Gee, I’m gonna have a great day today,” When I can barely get myself to open my FUCKING EYES.

Every time I start basically screaming at the top of my lungs for some help in my figurative language, I get called a whiny bitch and told that I should stop moaning and maybe do something about it. What the fuck do I do? I don’t know what there is to be done! I don’t know why I’m depressed, why I can’t get myself to stop being depressed… I can’t even always tell you why I haven’t fucking killed myself yet!

It’s clear to me that nobody gets this, but you know, it really SUCKS when nobody can understand that it just hurts.

I’m so sick of living. I’m sick of people, and school, and not being able to sleep, and not wanting to eat, and not being able to function… I’m sick of being awake, and I’m sick of sleeping. I’m going to fucking DIE if I keep treating myself like this, but at this stage in the game I so totally don’t give a shit that I can’t even describe it to you.

I’m tired of this whole “living” bullshit..

Men Suck

I just got finished having a fight with Derek. Well, it wasn’t exactly a fight, but it was damn close. It was more like a relatively civilized quarrel.

It was a Battle of the Sexes, in which I was doing my best, and I mean best impersonation of a female chauvinist sow. Derek was defending the men while I was sullying their image.

I hate men. We know this. I’ve told everyone this many time. I have good reasons for hating men. Very good reasons. No names given, but 95% of the men in my life are total jerks or stuck-up pigs. And then there’s the fact that men are, in general stupid, or at least the 95% of the ones I know are.

I’m not trying to pick a fight, but I’m perfectly willing to fight anyway, if someone wants to.

So, anyway, Derek was telling me exactly what mom’s told me a few times. “Men don’t really know when they’re men, because they don’t have an obvious symbol. Women do. Women bleed.” And he also added his own bit “Men have had everything that they prided themselves in taken away from them.” He used the examples of hunting, fighting, ect. To which I said “I don’t really care. I’m going to get that coffee that I totally forgot about.”

We argued for a bit, he was very defensive because he’s biased against women and think we all suck, generally speaking. I was very much intent on defending my position, however, because all men are assholes and the world would be better off without them. Dad popped into the kitchen to tell me that “it wasn’t worth it”, to which I said, “I’m not fighting with him. Because unlike you, I’m not a spiteful jerk.” Half that sentence was a lie to him under my teeth, though.

My personal opinion, of course, is that men have been dominating society since their fucking creation, and they can do without the power for a few hundred years. It won’t kill them, like they seem the think. If they’d all stop being such pansies and go to fucking school, they wouldn’t have a problem staying up to bat. But no, you men are selfish idiots who seem to think that because of your testosterone, the world should come to you on a silver fucking platter.

Well, sorry, bitches, but that platter is heading for my table, and I’m going to eat it slowly with smirking evilly at you.

I’m sorry Derek, but I cannot feel sympathy for men, for the simple reason that it took us women for-fucking-ever to get out rights in the first fucking place. When America was first formed, women had nothing. We obeyed the orders of our spouses, and that was the end of it. You selfish bastards never gave us anything so we actually worked to get our rights. If you aren’t willing to work to get your stupid “manhood” back, then you don’t fucking deserve it at all.

You filthy pigs deserve a reality check, and if I have to be part of the generation that gives it to you, then so be it. I might even enjoy kicking your asses a little.

Supaaaah Lame

I fail my math regents… again.
61. That’s exactly 4 points away from a 65, which is the passing grade. I got exactly 9 more points than the first time I took it. Woo-fuckin’-hoo.
Yes, this is about the time when everyone and their fucking mother tells me “I told you that you should’ve studied.” Ya’ know what? Suck it. I know that it was pretty stupid for me to pass up a better grade on a silver platter, but it’s a bit on the late side to fix that. Besides, Mom already got the honors.
I don’t know why I didn’t see this coming. It’s not like my life is kind enough to me to let me get away with simple pleasures like passing a stupid fucking Math Regents. I may as well give it a rest and get a high school diploma. Oh wait, I can’t do that, because I have (other people’s) EXPECTATIONS to live up to. I can’t possibly let them down. That’d be like killing them with a wooden stake. Then again, killing them with a wooden stake might be a good way to make people let me fail at life peacefully.
So there’s my story. Wonderful way to end the Summer, don’t you think? Sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm.

I should seriously consider getting rid of all my categories and just putting all my posts under “Stuff.” It’d make my blog and my life a little less messy. :/

Shut the FUCK UP ALREADY!!!

I am sick and tired of listening to you whine abut how much you love me and how badly you don’t want to lose me. I don’t know if you are talking from the bottom of your heart, or if you’re just being annoying, but I am absolutely FED UP with listening to your whining!
I’ve told you a dozen times that I broke up with you because I wasn’t in love with you, so why don’t you just give it a rest?! You are not dying! You are seventeen years old, and you have a whole entire LIFE ahead of you, so stop being so hung over about one freakin’ girl!
I knew that breaking up would be difficult, but you aren’t making it any easier. I’m about ready to either slit my own throat or beat the shit out of you!
You said that you don’t want to lose me, but if that’s true then you are going about this the entirely WRONG WAY. You are going to end up making me HATE you if you don’t stop with crying. You are supposed to be a man, not a freakin’ crybaby! I’m just a girl! There are billions of other’s in the world, so sit tight and WAIT for the right one to show up!
I don’t love you anymore! I only did for a couple of weeks, maybe months, okay!? It wasn’t “meant to be” and it wasn’t “true love!” It was just a crush! You are only 17, you shouldn’t even be trying to make those kinds of long-term relationships at your age! You didn’t really think that we would last forever, did you?
You are starting to piss me off, David, and I am not even kidding when I say that I am more than willing to shut you out. I don’t want to have to do that, but if you don’t stop, then I will have to. I’m already feeling like the biggest jerk ever: you don’t need to help!

…

I’m a little bit frustrated with him. Just a little.