Ex Nihilo

Beloved Sister of Mine

Even as I watch, I can feel the tingling, bubbling sensation in my heart. My head feels light, I could fly. She is smiling at me, thanking me for the drink. A strawberry smoothie; her favorite.
I wave off her thanks, telling her that ‘it’s nothing’, and head upstairs to my room.
Dear Diary, I write in my head, thinking over the entry before I even have the book out, I couldn’t tell you how much I love her. She is always there for me; she has stolen my heart without even asking! I, however, do not mind in the least. If I wanted to give away my love, she would be the one I would want to give it to.  She is my most precious person.
I am writing now, wondering if I could imitate her pretty handwriting, her lovely signature. I try. I fail.
I don’t really mind; if I and she were the same, I would not love her, because I would be able to see all of our flaws.
She is self-conscious, she doesn’t like herself, she degrades the perfection that is herself. I wish she would stop; I don’t see these imperfections, these tiny flaws that she hates with a passion, and I do not understand why they bother her so much. Why can she not just see what is HER? Why can’t she just see herself for who she is? I love her so much, but nothing I say can express to her what I feel when she is angry with herself.
It’s painful to see someone so perfect see themselves as something so ugly. It is miserable, for both of us. I wish that I could show her the beauty of HER. I wish I could prove to her that she is not ugly, but the purest, more beautiful thing this Earth will ever see.
My sister, why must you hate yourself so?
Because, dearest younger, if I loved all in the world, how could I be called human?
But why, my love, must you choose yourself to be the one that you despise? Why can’t it be someone else? Someone more deserving of such loathing as you bestow upon yourself? Why, isn’t there someone else in this world that you could hate? There must be! I will find someone for you to direct your hatred towards… just please don’t be this way to yourself.
It pains me so to see such a lovely creature burdened and sullied by mere feelings of consciousness. To see her breaking herself down to the barest of herself, just to find the flaws.
Beloved sister of mine, how I love you so. I wish that we could be together forever… Nothing in this world could amount to the feeling I have towards you. I love you, I hate you, I feel everything about you. I wish that we could be together, but alas, we must be apart.
Dearest Regina,
I love you. How I wish that I could show you how perfect you are.