Ex Nihilo

Anywhere But Home

July 4, 2009 on 9:31 pm | In Misery | 2 Comments

I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to go somewhere far away for a while. It’s not because I hate you; I just want to get away from life for a little while. I’m tired, and I can’t rest when I’m at home. I’m not comfortable at home anymore… It’s kind of sad. I’m tense, and I’m tired, and I want to go away somewhere. If you can arrange it, great. If you can’t, then I’ll just hole up in my room for a week.

I miss David… He can help me feel better. He always does… I feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t think I’ve been this confused in a long time.

I’m sinking into the darkness again. I wonder when I’ll come back out this time. Maybe I’ll recieve another violent shock and find myself again. Maybe I’ll get myself into the pysch ward before I realize what I’m doing. Jeez, I sound like I’m losing it.

Maybe I am losing it…

This place that I call home isn’t relly home anymore. Its just the place that I livem, now. I can’t call it home. home is aplace where you feel safe from the world. I don’t feel safe at home, and I don’t know why. I feel like a timebomb, and I don’t know what’s going to explode.

I don’t want to be at home anymore. I want to be elsewhere, but not at Natalie’s house. Do you get my hint yet?

Yea, I wanna see David. I need him now, very much so.

I wanna cry, but I don’t have a shoulder to lean on at this point. The last thing anyone needs is me pushing my needy behavior on them. Everyone’s trying to fix something, and me falling to pieces isn’t going to help…

Tired… I’m really tired of fighting a losing battle. I need to recuperate.