Ex Nihilo

Sick

I’m sick. I’ve probably sneezed more times today than people die in a year. >.<

Finding Jesus

WE FOUND HIM!

He Loves Me, He Loves Me, He Loves Me

And where I go, he’ll follow, he’ll follow, he’ll follow… he will follow me!

So yeah. Me and David are still dating. There are no lengths he will go to to flatte me. He has already told me that I’m cute, and beautiful, and sexy. He tells me he loves me, and he makes me feel really good about myself. I’m starting to appreciate who I am thanks to him.

He told me he’s liked me since like, two years ago, when we first met. That’s also when I first caught sight of him, and got hooked. He said that he always thought I was pretty, and that I still am pretty, and always will be. Just hearing those words from him made my heart flutter, and it made me so happy I didn’t know what I should say, so I just smiiled happily and kissed him.

I told him that, one day, I was going to be pregnant, and have possiobly two kids. He asked who’s kids they were gonna be. I smirked, and said, “I’m not sure.”

He grinned, and replied, “Mine.”

He told me that I was all he could ask for in a girl, and he told me that I was perfect~ Squee! I love him so much! I don’t know what I would do if he disappeared from school, or moved or something. I’d probably commit suicide, or hunt him down.

Jeez, Kimmie. Obsessed much? Just a lil.

This is definitely the peak of my life. I will never be so happy as I am when I’m being held in David’s arms.

Story Writing

Clearly, I’m not very good at, seeing I fight about my book all the time with Gina. Apparently, everything I come up with sucks completely, and she doesn’t like it. If Gina doesn’t like it, then its terrible. That is our long-standing rule. ‘Gina’s opinion counts.’

Anyway, basically, we had a fight ealier. I’m trying to come up with a scene involving Hades threatening Teara/Biano, and forcing him to join his side. It’s not working, because apparently, the threat that I came up with isn’t even decent, so Gina threw it out the window.

I can’t think of anything good. Ever. Well, occasionally, I do, but whatever.

Jesus fucking Christ, this site lags almost as bad as fucking Twitter.

So, now I have to think up a new plot. I already have this one idea, but I have to confirm with my Writing Goddess. Hellz Yea.

Anyway, I’m going to bed, and I’m going to continue being mad at her, and Jesus Christ, what the heck is loading that is making this thing lag so damn bad!? GAWD.

Goodnight. Or something.

I Don’t Know

I don’t know what to do anymore. Ricky never leaves me alone, he won’t shut the hell up, he won’t stop talking to me. I don’t understand why he doesn’t understand that, because I hate him, I’m trying to distance myself from him. I don’t like seeing people cry, I hate being the cause of those tears…

And, really… he’s my brother. It’s not like I loathe his very existence. I do care about him, but I hate so much about him that my caring for him is being drowned out.

I’m sorry, I really am, but I don’t know what I’m going to do about it

I have never hated myself more than I do now. I want to die… I’m a horrible, evil person, and I should be tortured and killed to repent for all of the people I’ve hurt in these past nine years. I hate this.. I don’t want to be a mean, cruel person, but I don’t know who else I should pretend to be. I’ve been told about how I’m so horrible every day of my life, and I don’t know if that’s true or not..

But I guess it probably is true by now, isn’t it?

I know why I don’t like him. I know all of this, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with it other than try to make the stupid kid leavce me the hell alone. Not talking to him doesn’t work, yelling at him doesn’t work and also gets me into heaps of trouble.

I’m in a lot of pain, but i think that I’ve been taking all of that pain and giving it to Ricky so that he can hold it for me. The thing is… I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, but i don’t know how to deal with him!

I give up. I’m never talking again.

Maybe I’ll just kill myself instead and end the pain that I’ve been thrusting into everyone’s faces. Maybe if I do kill myself, Ricky can be happy again, and everyone can move on with their lives, and forget about me. then again, maybe they won’t move on, and I’ll be the only one who’s freed from this Hell we call home.

I have never felt so suicidal in my entire life. I hate myself so much right now. I’ll just slit my wrists tonight then.. it’ll be fine, I’m sure. I have gloves to hide it anyway.