Ex Nihilo

It’s All Coming Back to Me Now

November 10, 2008 on 5:38 pm | In Stuff | Comments Off

I love how everyone loves to fucking gang up on me in a torrent of hurting comments as if they’re trying to kill my heart when ever I do something wrong.

I bit Natalie. I didn’t think I bit her that hard, and it sure as hell didn’t fucking feel like it. She shrieks, and she hits me. Derek says something fucking retarded, as he usually does whenever he butts into something that has absolutely no real issue involving him, and mama joins in the fun.

Why the hell is it so much fucking fun to hurt my feelings? Do you like hearing me try not to cry, or do stand outside my door and listen to me cry in my, while I’m still trying to hold it back, and think I’m totally alone, and unheard.

I hate all of you. This is exactly why I used to always come home in tears when daddy would pick me up from school at Sidney Center. I would do something wrong at school, and the teachers would gang up on me and tell me how horrible I was, and wrong it was of me to do that. Then, I would get in the car with dad, and he would have his round and fair share of torturing me into thinking I was really evil.

I didn’t fucking mean it, and I even fucking told you so! And yet, Derek, being the fucking dick-hole he always is, told me off anyway, even though he ISN’T MY MOTHER FUCKING FATHER!!!

And then mama felt it was her duty to add her two cents. I bet that if Daddy had been there, he would’ve made it even worse, because he’s also a fucking dick-hole.

Now you know that, while I’m writing this post, I’m crying, not crying, and trying not to cry.

And now I can’t stop crying. Everything that’s ever hurt me is coming back, from when I was five and you used to practically beat me from a day-to-day basis; to now, right now, today. When you fucked me up just a little bit more, and made me remember that I’m a fucking asshole who deserves to die, because she’s dangerous and doesn’t know when to stop. Thank you for reminding me. I had almost fucking forgot.

What lovely, awesome people and adult I live with. I love all of you so fucking much right now.