Ex Nihilo

I Have Nothing

I don’t know why I do this anymore. I don’t even know who I trust. I don’t know who I can love, and I don’t know who cares about me.

I can’t tell if you like me, so I try to make you hate me, just so that I’ll know where I stand.

I’m sad, I’m happy, I’m angry, I wish, I dream, I imagine.

But I never do.

I don’t do things; I think about doing things, I pretend to do things, but I don’t actually do things. I don’t want to do things. I don’t want to try.

I’d much rather sit and suffer than actually try to fix myself.

They tell me that I’m horrible. They tell me that I should cut my wrists and arms. They tell me that I’m evil, and deserve to die. I don’t know where they came from, but they WON’T GO AWAY!

And I don’t know what to do about this anymore, I’m ready to give up. I don’t know who I can trust. No, not you. No, not him, no not her. No, not me. I can’t believe in anyone, and I don’t know why. I can’t get rid of these thoughts, I don’t know how.

I’m sick of this feeling, I want it to go away. I’m tired of thinking, I just want to stop.

Slow me down, because I’m ready to fall.

But before you can catch me, I’m already gone. Down the void of my mind. I’m gone into the darkest pit.

The Hellish place I call ‘Insanity.’

No, I don’t need a psych ward, I don’t need an asylum.

That’s only going to make it worse.

There’s nothing…

I mean nothing…

That you can do to save me.

Because I’m already gone.