Ex Nihilo

Dear Life, The Universe, and Everything else I hate

March 4, 2008 on 11:39 am | In Stuff | 1 Comment

Dear Mrs. Filor,

 

I am writing to you today to tell you what I deem of you, why I think of you, and what you have done to me and my existence. You will not like anything that I am about to tell you. In fact, you may hate it, and think that I am lying. I am not writing to you so that you can howl at me and inform me that I am wrong. I am writing to you to tell you how much you have damaged me, so that you know just what you’re sick diminutive mentality games can do to an naive child. This might not be your fault; you might not have even known what you were doing to me. Then again, this might also be your fault. You might have known what you were doing all along. This might also have been in your training, and it just wasn’t working how it’s usually supposed to. I don’t know, and I don’t care. All that matter to me is that you have hurt me, and that I am meticulously livid with you for it.

First thing I want to tell you; you have me convinced that I am a monster. No, not a puss spewing organ pile, a monster. Someone filled with abhorrence, and resentment, someone who picks on other people, someone who is malicious, and malevolent. That is what you have me thoroughly convinced that I am.

Next up on my list; you have taken away all of my motivation to actually try. It’s slowly coming back to me, but you initially took it away. I have decided since I met you, and since I left your class, that if I try to change myself or the way I act, I will devastate everything, because in your class, that was what I always did. You sick minded people told me that I had to ‘try really hard to change.’ Well you know what? I did. And I will tell you for one that it did not work the way I wanted it to. In fact, it practically ruined my entity. But it’s because you told me that change was simple that convinced me that I couldn’t do it. For your information, changing isn’t easy. In fact, it’ll be one of the hardest things that I will ever do. You told me I could do it if I just tried. I tried and I couldn’t. That convinced me that there was something wrong with me, that I was some kind of freak, weirdo, a monster. It’s all because of you.

I find it hard to believe that you actually managed to become a teacher. If you’ve been hurting kids like me for however long you’ve been teaching, than I wonder how you haven’t been thrown in jail for Child Trauma. That’s right. You heard me, Child Trauma. You traumatized me, for life. And because of that, I think I’m a monster, I’ll never be happy again, I’m in therapy, I hate myself, I cut myself, I hurt all the time, and I =’m afraid of myself. I’m terrified of myself. I am afraid that one day, I’m going to do something, and Ill never be forgiven, and no one will be able to understand me. You have made my life more complex than it really even needs to be. I am completely disgusted with you.

Every time I get in trouble, every time someone hurts me in that certain way, I see you’re godforsaken disgusting face. I think that you will probably haunt me for the rest of my life.

There are only a couple few more things I want to say, so prepare for this greatly

I. Hate. You. More than anything in the entire world. You are the more loathsome creature I have ever met, and I hate you. I hate how you affect me, I hate how you used to touch me in any way, how you’d pat me on the back, how you make me huddle with your dim-witted group, how you never cared when you made me cry, how it didn’t matter to you that you were slowly

Contravening.

My.

Heart.

It’s like you have this hold on my mind, it’s like you own me, like you think that I’m your property and you can just do whatever the hell you want with me. It’s like you think you own my

Mind

Body

And essence.

Well, lemme tell you something

You don’t. Not any more, you vile creature. I loathe you more than you could possibly even begin to dislike me. I know you hate me. You hated me because I’m better than you, more liked than you, more brilliant than you.

And most certainly more human than you.

I wish I had never met you. You’ve ruined everything about me, my happiness, my caring soul, my heart, my ability to think, my everything. You’ve ruined my life.

And I hate you for it.

I hate, dislike, abhorrent, loathe, detest, abhor, despise, deride, abominate, repulse, repugnant, object, and odium you so damn much.

It has been a pleasure speaking with you again, Mrs. Filor. I will see you in Hell.

 

 

 

Murders and betrayals,

Kimberly R. Baker

You’re former student from Sidney Center Elementary School.