Innocence with Bloody Hands

Chant Thyself to Sleep, Thou Shalt Not Return

December 4, 2007 on 1:39 pm | In Preteen Emo Syndrome |

When, I’ kinda f**ked up, aren’t I? Hat’s just judging from the last post. Mama has officially put me on m,onitoring. I have no privacy, officially. It kinda suuucks. I KNEW I shouldn’t have wore a miniskirt the other day! D: Yeah, I cut up my thighs. (big deal) -.-’ apparently, though, it’s a really big deal when i cut. I wish it wasn’t. I stopped cutting my wrists, so it be THAT big a deal, right?

Apparently, I am WRONG. D: Man, I suck at this stuff. I should work on my perspective skills. That way I can understand why people freak out when I cut myself. I have decided to start doing a nightly ritual of chanting.  Hurray for chanting. I think I’m going to oit in the back room. Yeah. I will light a single candle, do a chant, and… I’m not sure. I would say that I’ll cut my finger and put out the flame with blood t add to the effect, or whatever, but mama might have something to say about that. Can you believe her? SHE WENT AND THREW AWAY ALL MY SHAVING RAZORS! Though I did manage to salvage two. Thank GAWD.  She says she can’t take any chances. Whatever. Everyone still thinks Im gonna drop dead. So I’ve decided to get into some spiritual chanting. Heavy sigh. I think I’ll post my story on here. Or something. My new one. Elemental Fallen Angels. But I have to type up the proloug first, and get mama to help me to figure out how to make new pages. Whatever. I’ll think about it later.  Anyway, here are my chants:

(chant #1)
All that glitters is gold.
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
Unknown to everything you ever knew.
Because, there is no meaning. Except that there is.
People die, but real love lasts forever.

(Chant #2)
I kill a man, I am an assassin;
I kill millions, I am a conqueror;
I kill everybody, I am a god
Mistress of darkness, among the shadows,
forever screaming, forever afriad,
Who speaks in third person, so she can forget that shes me
Just when she think you can trust me,
just when she need me the most,
I will let her down.
I’m sorry that I’m not worth the blood you have given me.
Mistress of darkness, among the shadows, living among us all,
Please give me strength to fight this feeling,
this feeling of emptiness
Save me from myself, my friends, my lovers, everyone.
Free me from this pain, I beg of you, I love you.
Save me from the ones who think they know me,
I want the strength to help myself, I don’t want to be alone any longer.
I want to help you, I want to be with you, my Mistress of Darkness.
Mother of Hate, you are the only one who understood me
Give me the strength to fight for you.
Give me the courage to kill a man,
Give me the courage to kill millions
Give me the courage to kill everyone
Give me the strength to be god.
I want to be able to love again.
I want to be worth the pain you have gone through to give me what I have now.
I wish I could save you, as well. My Mistress of Darkness, among the shadows.
I shall sleep now, please save my soul.

(Chant #3)
Mistress of Evil, of Darkness, of lonliness,
Mistress of my heart.
Thoust me, thyself is you,
And yet, thou is never there for thyself, thou haven’t been in years.
Why will you not help me? I pray for yo to be there for me,
Mistress of Darkness, my soul.
I wish you back gain.
I wish you to help thyself, to save thyself, to protect, the way thou did when thyself was youngest.
I wish thou would return to thy heart, to thy mind.
Thou shalt miss me not.
I will always be hereth, waiting for thou to return to thyself.
Thou shalt return some day, i hope.
I miss thou much, and pray each day,
For thou to return to me, so that thyself may be whole once more.
I will be herein thy home forever, waiting for thou to return.
I miss thou spirit, thou heart, thou mind.
I wish you would come home, my soul. I miss you so much…
Please, come home soon.
I love you.
I shall sleep now, good night, world.

(BTW, I am going to edit my stupid tas. -.-’)